[insert semi, non-standard New Year's greeting here]

So for Halloween I was myself with more hair.
I used to keep it shaved until my razor broke.

But yea, this is just another quick filler.
With the childhood home sold off to a nice couple I'm in gypsy mode 'til my brother can land a steady job.
I like to refer to this period as Couch Tour '09.
Or couch quality assessment.

For now, actual dialogue between myself an' one of my friends that serves to remind me I should go to my lady friends for relationship advice.

"So what do you think of the woman I'm dating right now?"
"I'd hit that."
"Well, duh. But what do you think relationship-wise?"
"Umm... I'd hit that hard."

Right.

I need a better costume idea for Halloween than Asian bartender.

Conversations with a Niece Pt. I

Her: Hi Uncle!
Me: Dude! You got tall... I can fart in your face standing up.
Her: *while holding her nose* Ewwwww....
Me: Well I didn't say I was gonna do it now.
Her: *stares*
Me: Can you reach up this high? *up to my chest*
Awesome! Hi-five! Do you remember my name?
Her: *intense thinking* Yes... Uncle Reggie.
Me: Good job! Wanna know something?
Her: What?
Me: I forgot your name.
Her: Boo!
Me: It's cool though, you get a monster hug.
*big ol' hug complete with growling noises*
Her: *the sweet laughter of a child that has no expectations of me*
Me: Wait a second... Is that your boyfriend? He's giving me dirty looks.
Her: Ewww! No! Boys are gross!
Me: Well you keep thinking that way for at least another decade. Your parents will appreciate it.
Her: Huh?
Me: Well, I gotta talk to your mommy an' figure out what your name is now.
----------------------------

Techinically, she's not my niece.
Just my friend's daughter.
She's disgustingly adorable so I adopted the ish out of her.

Is there a point to this post?
Reggie works well with toddlers.
They don't make him feel self-conscious about his writings.

Just checking in to let everyone know I'm still alive.

Foreclosure, such a fun mess.
Also wrapped up hosting a karaoke competition, sung at a bunch of weddings, debuted a few new spoken word pieces in Costa Mesa, wrote a couple new songs, dealing w/ general unemployment, an' starting to date again.

My past month in a nutshell.

Man.
Has it really been a year since I got laid off?
I figure the main reason I started dating again is because I got tired of bein' stressed out by a year of job interviews that lead nowhere and lack of steady income.

At least I can take solace in the fact that Alanis Morrissette's "Ironic" is ironic because none of the examples used in the song are ironic.
That was my life-changing moment of the day.

Things to finish editing an' eventually post:
- Do's & Dont's of dating me
- Two spoken word pieces
- One new song
- Friend's dating profile
- Fillers
- Dating stories?

While editing, I realized I needed to clarify something from my last post.
"home kitchen appliances"
Contrary to popular belief, I do not hold conversations with inanimate objects.
It's just a term I use to describe friends in a nonsensical manner.

It used to be "home skillet" until one of my other friends pointed out that her father likes to use that term alot.
Bein' a fan of originality, I started opting for the use of "home kitchen appliance".
If only for the customizable opportunities given to us.
I called dibs on "home George Foreman grill" already.

Heading back to editor mode.
Some of you actually figured out the e-mail option.
Which, more or less, has inspired me to try to get more of my writings out there.
Including select pieces from my dating manual.
'Cuz apparently I'm holding seminars now.

One of my home kitchen appliances pointed out that my dating life is a mess.
In retrospect, I laugh because she might be onto something.
Consider this a filler post until I organize that & my writings.

I identify with this piece, go figure.

Beau Sia - Love

I think love is the most beautiful thing in the world
And I don't give a fuck
I have no original ideas.

I recite poetry to get women to fall in love with me.
Women who hear this:
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!

That's what it comes down to
Life or death.
Jesus, I've seen a man jack off to a GAP window display
Don't tell me that love isn't important
Because love isn't easy.
In fact, it's the bane of my existence,
The reason why I hate Valentine's Day and Halloween.
Which is about ghosts.
And I think you know where I'm going here...

I'm going to the land of girlfriends of Halloweens past
And maybe I've only got three ghosts in this land
But this doesn't mean that they don't bring their friends.
Because girls rarely travel alone in this land.

Lydia is from this land.
I used to kiss her while listening to The Cure's "Just Like Heaven"
Now that song makes me sad.
Why must we associate music with our love lives?
I'm not trying to be profound.
I'm just saying that music takes me back.
And I can't explain the memory process involved in that
Because I was not a Psychology major.
And maybe my problem with picking up college-aged women
Has to do with me always asking them:
"Yo shortay! What's your major?"

Maybe I shouldn't look at women in terms of picking them up.
Maybe I should open up my sensitive side.
But really...
The sensitive side sucks.
I've been there.
You can only imagine the kinds of sweaters they make you wear.
It's not fair.
Love is not fair.
And war is not fair.
And I don't care what anyone has to say about any of that.
I feel unloved.

Am I the only one?
I know that I can't be that misunderstood.
But you don't want to understand me.
You just want to hear the part about my small dick again.
'Cuz the Asian man will always be plagued by this RUMOR.
Until he is brave enough to whip it out on stage and say:
"OHH! WE ARE GIGANTIC!!!"

Honestly,
This is not the direction I wanted to take this poem.
I just want to be in the arms of my true love.
In the wonderful, perfect world with our two children:
Helga and Lamar
'Cuz love has got me fucked up and dying.
Because I feel retarded without anyone to hold me.
And maybe that's sentimental.
But what is wrong with sentimental?
All I'm saying is...
Someone.
Love me.

Currently on meds to lower blood pressure because I'm at the beginning stages of HTP.
Not liking the way they affect me.

But yea, ended up goin' to a strip club w/ some ol' college buds the other night.
Ran into a woman that was almost a serious enough relationship that she could've qualified for ex-girlfriend status.
An aggressive lapdance.
I re-injure my knee.

There are some quality stories in there, I'm just not in the right mindset to put 'em on paper.

Open house, good times.
Feels weird pitching a house I currently live in.
'Specially when nobody told me it was gonna happen today.
At least it lead to inspiration to write a happy foreclosure song.
'Cuz there should be at least one happy song out there in our current economy.

Semi-hectic life = myself not posting regularly.
Go figure.
Just wanted to share this gem with you before I head back into editing mode.
Feel free to guess which one was me.

A: So I was trying to tempt [our friend] into buying a PS3 by telling him to put it on his credit card. I was pretty much the devil on his shoulder.
B: Well, that's not fair. At least bring me out to be the angel on the other shoulder and give him a chance.
B: *whisper* use the credit card...
A: That's not much of an angel.
B: But I said it softer.

Just curious.
Would everyone rather have me focus on the lighter pieces or the serious ones first?

I try to get away from alcohol.
It just has a knack for finding me.

As evidenced by the 11 drinking flasks I own now.
The most recent one featuring the words "Holy Water" on the front along w/ a picture of Jesus.
Which makes me wonder: what would Jesus put inside here.
Probably wine.
Change it back to water at sobriety check points.
That man could party.

Just wanted to make an official post thanking all the peeps that sent greetings my way and/or helped me celebrate the anniversary of the day I got forced out of my mother's uterus.
My liver might hate you, but I don't.
-------------------

I have no idea what my magic number is at the moment.
I do know I don't mind claiming my younger brother as blood now.
It's the older one that's adopted.

Monday consisted of a mini-road trip to Santa Barbara.
I figured out I actually enjoy driving the Miata if I have the roof down.
'Specially when I'm taking the coastal route up.
The PCH tags on an extra hr. but the fresh sea breeze makes it worth it.

Spoketopia 2
It's a showcase of the students from the first nationally credited collegiate course on Spoken Word.
I hate my brother an' his college.
Because I never had access to spoken word during my collegiate years, I've always had to road trip to Costa Mesa.
But now I'm letting bitterness sidetrack me...
I enjoyed it overall.
Great balance of humor an' deeper pieces.
My brother rocked the mic an' the stage that just had the audience stupefied by his brilliance.
Which, again, is why I'm okay w/ him being related to me.

The multi-talented Mose brothers.
Leave it up to me to have a 5min piece talking 'bout my love for the upper half of women called "Hurrah for Boobies."
Leave it up to my brother to start off the last piece of the night with the words: "I want to eat your pussy."
Between us, we cover the entire spectrum of women.

But let's backtrack for a minute...
I got to sit next to who I basically refer to as my future sister-in-law.
And then my brother bursts out his final piece.
Akward hilarity ensued.
Hilarity for me.
Akward for the girlfriend an' all of their friends sittin' around us.

Now let's backtrack even more an' set this up properly...
Younger Mose steps up the mic, makes sure he's properly under the spotlight.
"This one's kind of a difficult piece for me because it makes me all emotional..."
*pause*
"I want...."
*pause*
"I want..."
*pause*
*encouragement from the crowd*
I almost yell out: do it for your poppa!
"I want to eat your pussy!"
I could see her face turning red in the dim theatre lighting.

Bravo to my brother.
Helluva way to end your performance career at UCSB.

More writings headed your way.
My problem is, I edit too much.

For now, a selection from my archives of useless dialogue:
Everything about me is big... if you believe the women I've dated.

Just read the official horoscope for my birthday.
Had to laugh.
At least for that eerie connection a semi-general statement can make to my life at the moment.

As you've no doubt realized over the past week or so, no matter how much you'd like it to, love doesn't run on a schedule -- especially not this kind of love. You've found someone who's really, really appealing to your intellect and your brain -- as well as to your eyes. Who's to say how it will end? Only the two of you. If you're smart, do what you can to make sure the evening ends with a lovely, romantic kiss.

Well, last night was a blur.
Bday schedule was as follows:

Woke up a lil' after 7am, slightly hungover.
Couldn't go back to sleep, took a relaxing detox hike around the neighborhood.
Took advantage of the weather, got some amazing cloudwatching done.
Breakfast bar, shower.
Job interview for another internet sales company... which I know little to nothing about.
But I figure if they contacted me over my posted resume online, I like my chances.
Bank run.
Home to change an' hug mother.
Dragged on a sushi run that gets sidetracked into a mini-wine fest.
Go through almost two bottles by myself.
Come into my hosting gig pretty blitzed an' thankful for mouthwash.
Hosting/training the new peon.
Awesome gifts from friends.
Yes. Yes there were penguins.
Even a bobblehead penguin sprinkler.
I'm probably having too much fun w/ the squirt gun though.
After work, costume change, shots an' a sad attempt at trying to put food in my system.
Fast-forward, amazing buzz by the end of the night, possibly drunk.
DD drops me off an' I find my pops usin' the family comp in his bath robe.

More probably happened, I just happened to plan out yesterday horribly wrong even though I knew what was coming.
Today's horoscope: just a reminder that my house goes up on the auction block today.
It's kinda surreal to look at the posting of a house you're still living in.

I figure I'm too playful for my own good.
Apparently I fit the Gemini mold well.
I guess that benefits from the fact that I'm not a business owner.
I'd handle my promotions through a raffle or a bingo tournament.

Generally, I'm not allowed to speak at weddings.
There was one.
My best friends' wedding.
I managed to hint at enough trouble we've had together during my speech that it merited a glare from the wifey.
Probably one of my favorite wedding photos ever.

The following are a few choice toasts I've compiled over the years as a wedding singer/friend:

- Every successful man loves to think that he has done it all himself; the wife smiles, an' let's it go at that.
- Home... where a woman puts up with her husband.
- There's only one thing for a married man to do who is married to a woman that enjoys spending money... that is to enjoy earning it.
- To marriage. It halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.
- I figure marriage is the only venture open to the cowardly.
- To marriage, a legalized way of suppressing free speech.
- Good ol' marriage, the high seas for which no compass has been invented.

I got distracted, go figure.
Here's our 2nd story.

So last week I was gearing up to host my last show at Elks Lodge.
5mins on the road I get a panicked call from Starbucks Girl.
Her mother just suffered a stroke at her workplace.
A quick call to my boss to ask him to cover for me a bit an' I'm flying off to La Jolla.

I come in, get to meet the grandparents, father, an' older brother.
"This is a very elaborate plan to get me to meet everyone."
Laughter from people that were understandably somber earlier.

I've never been a fan of sorrow.
I don't wish it on anyone.
My natural instincts are to get away from those feelings as soon as possible.
Usually via jokes.
That makes me loveable to her family.

Her mother lucked out because she got help pretty quickly.
Stable, yet unconscious when I had to leave.
Next morning, she woke up.
Couldn't speak yet, but the doctor assured the family that there weren't any indications of severe nerve damage.
I get introduced as Starbucks girl's boyfriend.
She gives me a thumbs up.
I've got the approval of the entire family.

3 weeks of flirting, one week of dating.
To me that's kinda fasttrack to boyfriend status.
I wouldn't even define myself in an "open" relationship.
If only because I have no idea what that means to modern society.
But again, boyfriend?
I didn't bring up the issue at the time because it's a sensitive time for her.
I just harbor doubts.
I don't start edging towards boyfriend/girlfriend status because of a single word.

Love.
Noun, verb, also a surname.
Origin: depends on the context.
Used in a sentence: Reggie uses the word "love" pretty sparingly.
L-O-V-E
Love.

Again, a word I don't like to throw around meaninglessly.
If I use it in context with you, you have potential to cause a good deal of emotional trauma to me.
I just want to take my time an' make sure what our feelings are towards each other before I commit.
Because that's what that word entails for me.
Commitment.

I love chicken.
For better or for worse.
'Til my death do us part.

I figure the day I wake up not having any questions to answer or questions to ask, I'm done living.

So I was up to three by the end of the weekend.
Down to one yesterday.
Probably be at zero by the time my birthday rolls around.

Wait. Huh?
Let's backtrack for a bit.

I like to joke that if you're going to abuse me, you might as well make it sexual.
It became clear to me that was the only objective for two of the ladies I was dating.
Granted, it is fun to know that even with the mini-keg I'm hiding in my belly that I can still exude sexiness.
I'd just like something with more substance at this point of my life.
Damn my morals.

So who is left?
Starbucks girl.
She's definitely kept my life interesting the past few weeks.
My problem is I feel like I'm in an accelerated relationship now.
Which I don't like because it's hard to gauge between infatuation, lust, & overall mutual interest.

Anyways, you guys luck out because you get a double post from me tonight.
How we met + Catalyst for speed dating.

Well, at least one.
Still waiting to see if I actually have plans for tonight.

And then a butter croissant hits my face...

It's always fun to wonder how it gets to that point.
It's even funner to explain it.

Starbucks, North County.
Readership knows I like to keep things general to protect people's privacy.
They've also probably already figured out which two Starbucks I'm at regular status are.

So she is a 24yr.old transfer from the La Jolla area.
Moved up to San Marcos to pursue a Masters degree.
I got to meet her because my manager friend just enjoys introducing ladies to me.
Sometimes I think she goes through interviews of prospective employees wondering if I'd flirt with them.

The easy is answer is: yes.
I have this bad habit of being easily distracted by pretty smiles.
I'll also want to comment on them.

2 weeks of casual conversation.
Occassional compliments & discounts.
Playful banter & a discussion about what my ideal cup size is.
"Whatever yours is."
Realistically, something that can fill my mouth.

Fast-forward.
New hire.
5'1 brunette, has teeth.
I need some hot chocolate an' a snack to get me energized for job interviews.
Perfect candidate for flirting.
But I don't.
Maybe it's because I realized the trouble that my penguin tie can bring.
And because Starbucks girl is glaring at me because my reputation proceeds me.
So I just let out my playful smile at the end of the transaction, which prompts conversations from her.

"I like your tie."
"I like penguins an' this tie."
"Yea, penguins are adorable. I really like that tie."
"Well, I like that you like that I like this tie. If only because it's easy to take this off at the end of a date."
"Did you just ask me out on a date?"
"Well assuming you're single an' at least 21, yes. I'm a sucka for a great smile that appreciates penguins."
*shy smile*
"Well... maybe..."
"Usually how it works out is that I get a number an' then I ask you out. It hasn't happened w/ (Starbucks Girl) recently, but that's how it usually works out. Right (Manager friend)?"
"Yea. An' after a few months he starts hitting on another new hire."
"True. But there haven't been any complaints yet. I figure there are some people that are missing out..."
"Here's your butter croissant!"
*SMACK*
Pastry goodness bouncing off my face.
"Can I at least get a bag? Or a number?"
-----------------

Not sure if it's verbatim, but that's generally how the conversation went.
Apparently she's the jealous type.
Which works out for me.
Having a background in acting, I like feeling wanted.
Numbers were exchanged, a few beach dates later, we find ourselves here.
Good times.

And now something from my archives of useless one-liners:
I look at you an' I think to myself, it's a good thing I shaved my balls today.

If the following post just seems scatterbrained, it's my fault.
My fault for not getting this down on paper while it was still fresh in my mind, an' my fault for not following doctor's orders to get more rest.
My body likes to work on only 4hrs. of sleep.

Magic number: 2

What exactly do I mean by magic number?
To those that have known me for awhile, it's the number of ladies I'm currently dating/talking to heavily.
Could be 4, but I can't read mixed signals.

I mention that magic number for two reasons.

One: to contradict a more recently popular sentiment about me that I'm a manwhore.
I'm not looking to, nor do I plan to ever, date 17 women at the same time again.
I don't have the energy, resources, and luck with time management to pull that off.
Besides, manwhore would imply that I'm actually having sexual relations.
I'm pretty sure I'm not.
Hurrah for self-imposed celibacy.
Seriously, try it.
You think more clearly once your body adjusts.
Running off on a tangent... my bad.

Two: because one of the ladies leads to a fun story.
Let me tell you a story...

Last week I found myself interviewing for a Marketing/Sales position for a promotions group that's based out of Downtown SD.
I bring out my standard moderately good looks & charming demeanor that land me a secondary interview w/ upper-management.
Apparently, I interview too well.
HR guy likes me so much, he introduces me to the VP of marketing for my secondary interview.
Only things I can find myself thinking sitting outside her office are "crap! where the hell did I leave my good dress shoes?!" and "why didn't I spend more time ironing my clothes?"

What seems like an eternity lost in self-conflict is actually just a matter of seconds.
The door opens to reveal a stunning 5'7-5'8 without heels brunette beauty.
I can definitely see myself working here.

Interview started off standard, same questions as before.
My laid-back, playful self throws out jokes an' anecdotes in response.
Smiles, laughing at my cheesier jokes, leaning forward, and absentmindedly playing with her hair...
Signs of interest.
In me.
Signs of flirting?
How did I get to this stage?
And am I really in it?
To answer the questions in my head she reaches over to my tie and tells me "I like penguins too."

To most people, that would be considered the 2nd or 3rd sexiest combination of words you can tell me.
Coming from her, I would agree with the masses.
The hint of cleavage noticed by my peripheral vision earlier also helped.
That an' her leaning forward to show off previously noted hint of cleavage.
If it wasn't for the desk between us, I would practically be motor-boating what I guessed were 36B.
To get the job, I would if I had to.

I want to say our entire "interview" lasted a lil' over an hr.
I'm guessing the actual interview was around 15mins.
To sum up, it was mostly flirting.
It also ended it with her telling me "I'm not going to hire you because I'd be worried about sexual harrassment."
Like she isn't already?

I got a number.
I lost out on a career-opportunity.
I found myself a beautiful, witty, girlfriend prospect.
I'm still searching for a source of steady income.
Turns out they're 36C.

Mixed feelings really.
A part of me should be bitter, but I find too much humor in this situation an' the fact that we've already been on three dates.
I'm enjoying what life sends my way.
I just need to adjust to not being able to provide/give as much as I'd like to.

The other bachelorette?
Just a Grad student/Starbucks employee.
Yea, boring.
That story only involves a butter croissant thrown at my face.

Real talk: I miss you

Hey. How's life?

It's me.
Do you miss me?
I'm pretty sure I miss you.
I mean, it's you.

It's like... I miss the way you immediately bring happiness into my life whenever you're around me.
I miss how you bring a sense of serenity to my soul.
I miss actively changing my lifestyle just so I could spend time with you.
I miss how just the thought of having you in my life could help me sleep better.
I miss how knowing I would get to see you later on in the day would just automatically make it a great one for me.
I miss holding you.
I miss being able to turn to you when things get bad.
I miss being able to turn to you when things get good.
I miss you inspiring me to become a better person.

I miss you.
And I'm not the only one.
My friends have noticed a change since you've left me.
They notice I'm not as willing to go out with them as I used to be when I was with you.
To be honest, just can't go out without you being a part of my life.

Was it me?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I zig when I should've zagged?
Did I joke around with you too much?
Did I not give you enough attention?
Did you feel like I was throwing you away?
That I wasn't thinking 'bout us in the long-term?
Was it because of that one time I threw up a little on you and did a half-ass job of cleaning you up?

What is it?
Tell me.
Please tell me.
Damnit!
I miss you.
I miss you alot.

Money.
Seriously.
I miss you.
Come back to me.
Does that make you feel better?
Seeing these words?

Reggie misses Money.

My contact info hasn't changed.
Drop me a line.

Why yes, yes I am still using a dating site.
If only because I'm a social-butterfly an' I enjoy flirting.
It's also because I have myself way too much fun w/ the headline of my profile.

I don't like bein' standard, it's probably why I get so many hits.
The following are headlines I've been tempted to post, but know better.

- I don't bite... unless you want me to.
- The only thing you should take seriously about me is my penis.
- I thought a thought, but the thought I thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought... I think.
- I've been known to inspire crushes.
- I have this bad habit of stealing... hearts.
- I want to make you pregnant.
- I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a woman that gets really angry when I say that.
- I'm not an alcoholic, I just drink like one.
- I hate 41% of all stats.
- My reality check bounced.
- Perfect for sub-par, mediocre sex.
- I'm not a one-night stand person. I'm a multi-stand person. Sometimes I'll even lay down.
- I get what I want, or I change my mind.
- I haven't failed, I've just found myself 10,000 ways that don't work.

Currently, mine reads:
For best results, mix with water.

There won't be much humor in this post either.
This is more of a bookmark for my life.
Down the line I can look at this entry an' either laugh uncomfortably or congratulate myself on a job well done.

Start off w/ a mini-update on myself for the peeps that use this as a means to keep tabs on me.

Officially, September's gonna be the last month for the house I spent 2/3 of my lifetime living in.
Barring any unforeseen financial miracles, that's the longest we can keep off foreclosure.

Real Estate license is useless for me at the moment.
I more or less quit my group last week after I got forced to take a mini-vacation an' ended up losing three clients during that period that I was working with personally for the past few years.
Generally: lots of work + high stress + commission only + no wages = pointless

Only income's coming from p/t bartending and karaoke hosting gigs.
Speaking of hosting...

Wednesday nights from 7-11pm.
Elks Lodge in Oceanside.
Hot Hits Entertainment with your host Reggie!
Apparently I've also been nominated for best new KJ (Karaoke Jockey), which feels weird for me.
-----------------------

I guess it's safe to say I feel like my life is stalled at the moment.
Been interviewing for a new career job since last August, go figure.
Go to the interview(s), kick ass, take names, chew bubblegum afterwards, get caught in a hiring freeze.
Fun cycle.
Be even better if I actually qualified for unemployment checks like the rest of my friends.
At this point, I'm pretty certain it's the lack of steady income that's held me back from at least 5 amazing women that could've changed my relationship status this year.

For now, I don't want to focus on my long-term goals.
They're all still there.
I have faith everything'll fall into place eventually.
I'd just like to focus on the present an' things I actually have control over.
The following is pretty much a to-do list for this week.

- Stop letting myself get dragged down by negative friend(s) and/or just take a break from them.
- Recharge my optimism.
- Recharge my patience.
- Finish up the two novels I'm reading.
- Buy a new one.
- Build a kite like the ones we made in Elementary School.
- Take that kite to the park.
- Watch failed Engineering at its finest.
- Audible to just laying on my back and cloud watching.
- Actually let my knee heal completely before I start jogging again.
- Re-string ukulele.
- Finish up lullaby.
- Finish up three songs in progress.
- Finish editing spoken word piece.
- Post some of the completed writings here.
- Impress at two interviews this week.
- Follow up on Census Bureau job.
- Look more seriously into FBI an' Cruise line offers.
- Save up for a possible month of complete unemployment in June.
- Float on.
- Just keep swimming.
- No woman no cry.
- Clean/fix computer.
- Clean/fix/optimize television in room.
- Hug mother more.
- Catch up w/ old friends.
- Determine cost-effectiveness of keeping head monk-bald.
- Stockpile water balloons for my bday weekend.
- Wonder if I forgot to add anything.

I'm probably losing too many skin cells.
My room's overly dusty.

So yea, there's this notebook/sketchpad thingy I've been puttin' all my thoughts an' ideas into the past few weeks.
Post the results an' enjoy the happy good fun times afterwards right?
Not really.
Misplaced previously mentioned notepad/sketchpad thingy during a trip to Balboa Park yesterday.
"Blah gah gah!" would be the correct response.

It's simple really.
The best compliment I was ever given during a relationship was "you're not real."

She had just ended a week full of 10hr. shifts where she was stuck standing for the majority of the time.
I decided it'd be a good idea to give her feet a wash an' massage when we were together.
Mostly because it was cheaper then goin' downtown, but also because it's nice.

So yea, that's how I got that compliment.

Had two peeps mention pedicures the past week which went an' brought about this memory.
I've had two in my lifetime.
I figured it'd be a great team-bonding excercise.
An' that's when I learned that I enjoy havin' my poor feet spoiled.
Those poor feet also happen to be ticklish.

New content in the near future...
Who knows?

I miss text-messaging w/ a vengeance.
Along w/ my Wii.

People say the ideal man has a great sense of humor, a steady job, knows what he wants in life, and has a huge penis.
I only fall under one category.
Wanna take a guess?

Because I now spend my spare freetime creating pick-up lines for my friends & family, you get that work in progress.

Being the natural diplomat, I've found myself spending the past few days tryin' to salvage some type of relationship between family members.
Needless to say, my energies are bein' tapped an' stop me from posting regular content here.
Glad I got healthy in time for this.

For now, I leave you with this statement:
My wife beater and boxer briefs have matching colors; I figure someone out there is jealous.

Just curious, what does everyone out there want to see from this blog?
- More anecdotes.
- Random insight.
- Personal writings.
- All of the above?

I find myself w/ alot of postings that need editing an' would like an idea of what I should focus on getting out there first.

So apparently I should've been hospitalized.
Good ol' fevers.
But there are benefits to bein' sick.

Cousin gave birth an' I'm a proud uncle again.
Because I was sick, I didn't want to visit an' put the baby at risk w/ my germs.
Not quite the best gift to give anyone.
Turns out her nurse was my last ex.

So it was possible that I would've had to deal w/ both of my exes in two weeks.
At this rate, I'll run into half the ladies I dated while I'm downtown next weekend.

Expect a return to normalcy here after I'm done getting healthy an' finishing up my current batch of side projects.

An apology to peeps expecting the standard fun post aimed at generating laughter.
An apology to the increased reader interest gained over the past few months.
This post is nothing more then a vent and/or glance into the deeper workings of my mind.
Feel free to skip this particular post if you'd like.

Reggie, Reginald, Reggie Ra, the owner of the penis I'd like inside my vagina.
Call me what you will.
Generally, you all know me as the happy-go-lucky, optimistic person you can turn to for guaranteed good vibes.
But I should be allowed to deal w/ my own demons on my own terms.
I should be allowed to have my darker moments.
When my personal stresses have gotten to the point where I find myself overloaded.
I just find myself severely annoyed when that is made obvious to everyone in a public setting.
When I find myself unable to hide all my stress an' frustrations behind a coffee-stained smile.
Where I even find myself noting previously mentioned coffee-stained smile an' wanting to do something about it.

In short: I am burnt out an' stressed.
Exhausted an' tired of working to be considered broke.

Basically, FUCK YOU.
Fuck you for being a talented stalker.
Fuck you for calling me.
Fuck you for reminding me that I actually am unhappy w/ my life at the moment.
Fuck... FUCK you for cloudless skies.
Fuck you for cloudy skies.
Fuck you for the sky being blue.
Fuck you for Sonics commercials even though I can't find one in San Diego County.
For that matter, fuck you for Ruby Tuesdays commercials still played in our market also.
Fuck you for Jack getting hit by a bus during the Superbowl.
Fuck you for the Ogis at the North County Fair closing down without even telling their employees.
Fuck you for our recession.
But most importantly, fuck you for being the catalyst for putting myself into this current state of anger/depression.

I am sorry.
Maybe "No" is too complicated a word for you.
At least applied to this question: Should we get back together?
Apparently "Hellz No!!!" doesn't work for you either.
The fact that you're one of the main reasons I've consistently had to change my number over the past 3 yrs.
"No" for some reason just doesn't work.
Hopefully you can take this following statement to heart...

I wouldn't fuck you using Old Man Bobby V's penis triple-wrapped in condoms.
I found myself worried that I would catch an STD just by seeing your number as one of my missed calls.
Granted, I do hate myself for making my number semi-public knowledge.
I do count myself blessed that I didn't make my current address public knowledge also.
I'd probably wake up finding you staring at me through my window.
Which is only fun until you realize that my room is on the 2nd floor at the moment.

Sweet heavenly biscuit's bastard step-child!!!
I would rather have a vertically-challenged person tie my scrotum up w/ a rubber band and flick my hanging balls during the duration of a reading of War & Peace.
The director's cut.
Because I care 'bout you that much.

Three and a half years was the entire course of our relationship.
Three years you spent cheating on me.
I'm glad you realized you messed up.
I'm happy that you understand that I'm a decent man.
I just want nothing to do with you.
I tried reconciliation.
Forgiveness.
Floating on.
All that good stuff.

But did you really have to help me remember how unhappy I actually am?
I've already dealt w/ my quarter-life crisis.
Already come to terms w/ how I'm not even close to where I planned to be at this point of my life.
10yr. high school reunion over the horizon, what do I have to show?
What I thought would be a career job for me, taken away from me for bullshit reasons.
College-educated, yet working odd-jobs.
Forced to move back in w/ his parents since August of '08, constantly reminded that he's a failure by family standards.

I should've been happily married w/ two or three kids at this point w/ a dog named Dude.
I should've been a successful actor/producer/musician/singer/chef and/or business owner at this point of my life.
Hell... even Reggie, messenger to the God(s) at this point would've been an improvement.
But no, I'm Reggie.
Content w/ his life an' able to just deal w/ what whatever gets thrown at him.
Happy that it hasn't gotten more worse then it already is.
Happy that he wakes up an' his third leg functions properly.
That he can breathe on his own.
That he doesn't have to wear diapers again.
Able to deal w/ the fact that he could do nothing to help save his parent's home from foreclosure.
A house he spent the majority of his lifetime living in.

Fuck you for momentarily making me forget all of that.
Fuck you for remembering that I'm keen on word choice.
Fuck you for a drunken voicemail left at 11:12pm PST.
Fuck you for these words: I know your life sucks at the moment, but know that I'm here for you whenever you're ready.

Let me put this into writing again.
Please, leave me alone.
I want nothing to do with you.

A day that involved the SDSU Aztecs an' the Lakers winning their bball games respectively.
A day filled w/ good food an' friends.
A day filled w/ laundry an' warm, great smelling clothes.
Why did it have to end on such a bitter note?
Fuck YOU for being the first love of my life.
For taking advantage of that fact.
And for being able to still affect me so strongly.

Please, just leave me alone.

So I learned Monday that eggs over easy served cold can lead to food poisoning.
Go figure.

At least it let me catch up on my readings.
For your reading pleasure, a lil' ditty I came across in my literary travels.

Your one true love's a sailing ship
That anchors at our pier.
We lift her sails, we man her decks,
We scrub the portholes clear;

And yes, out lighthouse shines for her,
And yes, our shores are warm;
We steer her into harbor,
Any port in a storm.

The sailors stand upon the docks,
The sailors stand in line,
As thirsty as a a dwarf for gold
Or centaurs for cheap wine.

For all the sailors love her,
And flock to where she's moored,
Each Man hoping that he might
Go down, all hands on board.

Standard repost for the non-myspace crowds

And then there's me v2.0

Two things.

One: Mime School.
Yes.
I'm a classically trained mime.
But that was one semester in a required course for my college major (Theatre Arts) at the time.
Luckily, our final where we had to perform around campus was rained out.

Two.
I just noticed that my blogs might not give as much insight into me as I'd like 'em too.
I also noticed that I could solve that by answering the questions to my first rough draft of "The Application to Date my Daughter".
(ed. note: refer to archives)
New questions added marked w/ an asterix.

Enjoy.
Just to let you know, I wouldn't let my daughter date a guy that gave these answers.
Assuming I have a daughter and/or offspring.
Well, actually I would.
Because there's probably a bribed involved.

Name: Reginald Pam-Ut Mose
Birthdate: 06/05/1982
Occupation: Sales/Performer/Host/Bartender
Shoe Size: 11
Contact Information: [c]***.***.****

1. Do You know the answer to this question?
Always.

2. How did you meet our daughter?
Craigslist, under the casual encounter sections.

3. What color was her underwear that day?
Apparently commando.

4. Honest opinion, what do you think of her?
She has teeth.

5. Have any sexual scenarios played out in your mind involving her yet?
5a. If so, how many and please describe one in great detail.
As a fine gentleman raised Catholic an' brought up by Disney movies, no.

6. How many wet dreams have involved her so far?
N/A

7. Did you know her father killed a man once? On purpose.
It's a tale that's whispered throughout the people.

8. You do realize there's enough room in the backyard to bury one more body right?
Yes.
An' I happen to be 6'2 an' 170lbs at the moment.

9. What were you doing a year ago from today?
At this hour, probably sleeping or thinking about it.

10. Do you know the muffin man?
We go way back.
It's muffin much.

11. If you had 5 words to describe yourself, use two of them now.
Corgi.
Fan.

12. What do you plan to do with your life?
Be content.

13. Do you like my throwing knife collection? I keep them sharpened daily.
I'm a bigger fan of the ones you can throw directly from a wrist sleeve.

14. My wife has a great rack doesn't she?
I love spice racks!

15. Do you think that's why my daughter enjoys wearing low-cut tops?
If by low-cut you mean turtle necks....

16. If I tell you I want my daughter home by 11pm you have her home by...?
10:45pm

17. Do you believe in Scientology? Noooooooo.
If yes, please consider application void and vacate premises immediately.

18. What is your general plan for the first date?
Coffee/boba.
Something casual to just converse w/o the influence of alcohol.

19. Are you expecting physical intimacy? Not on the first date.
19b. If so, what kind and for how long? Handshake, or if I like 'em: kiss on the back of the hand.

20. What's the number for 911?
911.
But if you're usin' an internet phone, let it be known you're not gonna get the local authorities.

21. Do you have insurance?
Auto.
Eventually Love.

22. Lakers fan?
Since birth. I still remember the Great Western forum.

23. Chargers fan?
Yup. Just not the GM.

24. Fan of Bill Walton?
That's a dirty word we don't say around grandpa.

25. Do you like penguins?
Moist definitely.

*26. Have you ever taken prescription drugs or PCP?
Yes.
Wait.... huh?!

*27. Were you a mistake child?
Either that or adopted.

*28. Do you carry condoms?
I'm okay w/ buying some if needed.
But that's further down a relationship.
I do get regular checkups an' am a constant blood donor.
I'm good to go.

*29. Would you ever willingly karaoke anything from the musical Grease?
Good lord no!

*30. Can you show legal documents to prove that your are a citizen of the United States?
Yup.

*31. Have you had any convictions in the past 24 months?
Nope.

*32. Is your sex on fire?
Not that I know of.

And finally, a multiple choice question:
*33. If a father has room in his trunk for only one dead body and he has three(3) in total, how does he disperse of the bodies?

a) separate trips to the desert.
b) chop the bodies to maximize trunk space.
c) impromptu BBQ in the backyard.
d) take up embalming as a hobby.
e) live in denial.
f) be glad he's friend w/ the local law enforcement.

Hmm...
g) all of the above?

I handwash my car, it rains.
Go figure.
Plan is to get more posts out there eventually.

I just found myself distracted by personal issues.
My bad.

Eventually we'll all be getting out of this funk.
I'll be there to drink in celebration.

Turns out it's taken me longer to get my comp back to normal.
It's fun to have 93GBs worth of music an' no way to hear 'em.

Consider this a filler post.
One of the more elaborate pick-up lines I've run across in song format.
Courtesy of John Legend an' his most recent album.

Quickly (feat. Brandy)

Oh, news said
Oh yea...

If I had twenty million dollars in a vault somewhere baby, it wouldn't matter anyway
Cause the doctor told me that I'm dying slowly
So I guess I got to love you while I'm here baby
Did you know...

The news said that the sky is falling, the globe is warming
Countries warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Nowhere to go baby, nowhere to go

I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I... want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

You said you didn't even know my name, but
Told me we might as well make ours the same
What do you think baby (no time)
Think it might as well be light years away, ohhh
We just better land on the stars before they come crashing down cause I heard the news say...

The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
Countries warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Nowhere to go baby nowhere to go

I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I... want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

Yea that's right baby kiss me like the world is quaking
Do it like the earth is shaking
You got it baby, that's right lovely
Fill me like our time is sprinting faster running out of time

I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I... want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

Oh
You barely know me baby but you gotta love me quickly, quickly
Oh yea
You gotta love me like you know the world's about to end baby quickly, quickly
Oh you gotta love me
(Oh you gotta love me)
Gotta love me right now
Oh yea
Like the world's about to end baby quickly, quickly now

News said the sky's falling (quickly now)
Love me
Love me...
-------------------------------

And because you're all such big fans of pick-up lines...
Bartender friend introduced me to one of his co-workers.
We played guess my ethnic background.
When it was my turn I told her "you're probably not mixed, because you're 100% beautiful."

Happy belated everything everyone.
Comp has been having some issues as of late.
Lately, I've been having to run Windows in Safe Mode.
Not the most ideal way to post.

More headed your way after the weekend.
Thanks for your patience.